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“The first thing out of his mouth - the very motherloving first thing out of his mouth - is “I’ve never been a fan of Star Trek.”
So what!
“Not only is this insulting and lame...”
Please. It’s not “insulting” in the least. You’re just an obsessive dork with an axe to grind about this movie (as your moronic “booo!” demonstrated). Virtually every word coming out of your keyboard has been a reflection of this.
“He’s said this in interviews fifteen times already.”
Because it was relevant to what he had to say, which you of course paraphrased out of all recognition and muddled even further with your idiotic prose.
“Maybe he thinks it is cute...”
Or maybe it’s just a fact and he’s not trying to irritate you because he doesn’t care about you (BECAUSE THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU).
“...but I just find it rude.”
No you dont. You’re just saying that because you're a drama-queen looking for attention (and, congratulations, it’s working: fan sites are linking to your crap all over the web).
“J.J. Abrams struts up like the smartest kid in Hebrew school.”
*rolls eyes*
You dont even know this man, and you’re slagging on him personally. Sounds like you’ve got some career-envy. You wouldn’t by chance happen to be what most ‘critics’ are, would you? You know, a failed insert whatever profession you cover here--->________?
“...he was so in love with Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman’s script, he wound up saying “yes” to directing it. He questioned himself, “How could I say ‘yes’ to this project?” As if Star Trek had the cooties and was corroded. “I didn’t even know they’d made ten movies already. Who wants to be 11th?” I know who, someone who likes Star Trek!!!! By now my acid reflux is acting up and I am starting to get nauseous. J.J. introduces the first scene, “Where we first meet Spock. No, not Spock - the other one - Kirk. Spock is the one with the...” and he points to his ears. No, I am not making this up.”
Shut. The. Fuck. Up.
“A drunk Jim Kirk is hitting on....Uhura? H-what? It’s ten seconds in and there’s a canon violation.”
No it’s not. Do you even know what ‘canon’ is? There is nothing, NOTHING, in the Star Trek canon that explains how, when, or what the circumstances were when James Kirk met Uhura. NOT. ONE. DAMN. THING.
“Kirk would never be crude to Uhura. It’s not in his nature.”
For someone so obsessed with canon you dont seem to know shit about it. Yes, it is not in the nature of the adult Kirk to behave that way. But this is not the adult Kirk, moron. People change. The start one way. Then they grow up (although maybe not you).
Not only do you not understand what canon is, you also seem to have no comprehension of the “hero’s journey” narrative. Kirk begins as the brash young man that grows into the heroic Captain Kirk. It’s an ancient archetype, the mythic tale of the hero that has recurred over and over in every culture through out history; and there is no reason in the world why the rise of James Kirk cant be (or shouldn't be) that same classic story.
What little we know about Kirk’s youth points to his being quite a charming, though wild, young man (watch Khan again). So this was a great opportunity to take an iconic character and apply Campbell’s “hero’s journey” frame to his early life. It’s classic story-telling and the fact that you dont get that speaks volumes.
How the hell did you get the gig as UGO’s rep for this event anyway?
“Uhura looks at the menu. Dialogue flies by fast, but I caught a reference to Cardassian Ale, Budweiser Classic (ugh - product placement sullying Trek) and (it was later confirmed) Slusho. Now - that’s just the last straw. J.J. Abrams - esteemed author of Gone Fishin’ - has the stones to slip a line to HIS mythology in Star Trek!?!? That doesn’t come across as NERVY to you?!? Unbelievable. Really unbelievable.”
Okay...who’s your editor? I need to have a word with him. I cant believe he publishes your tripe for the world to see.
“Anyway, Uhura, who claims not to have a first name (it’s Nyota, by the way)...”
Again, for someone so concerned about canon, you dont know jack about it. The notion of ‘Nyota’ being Uhura’s first name is apocryphal. At no time in a single frame of live-action Star Trek (i.e. canon) has a “first name” for Uhura EVER been shown or spoken. Meaning that she 1) either didnt have a “first name” or 2) it was just, for whatever reason, never revealed.
“Then Bruce Greenwood as Captian Pike walks in. (Canon violation - Pike and Kirk aren’t supposed to know one another...”
The only mention of this comes from such a throw-away bit of dialogue that it renders the whole notion meaningless. It came in an early episode of TOS when the writers were still getting a handle on things. Just a few weeks before, they were still calling Spock a Vulcanian.
“It may surprise you to learn that Chris Pine isn’t all that bad...”
No. It only surprises you because, like I said, you came into this with an axe to grind.
“I just am having a hard time seeing Kirk as a whiny loser...”
Projection.
“...trying to pick up Uhura in a bar. I can’t accept it. I just can’t.”
Yeah...we covered why that is.
“Her name is Nyota!” I shouted - in reference to the scene where Uhura claimed to have only one name. He may or may not have heard me.”
*snorts*
Idiot.
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